I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
