and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
