these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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