Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
