I puked a lego.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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