The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
