so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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