I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
