Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
