So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
