we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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