Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did i walk over a car last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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