I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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