flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
