i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
