I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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