All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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