took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
