My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
