was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
