If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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