She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
