Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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