I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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