cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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