Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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