I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
