dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
