okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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