'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
