Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
