His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
