but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
