you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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