one word: firstdatebathroomanal
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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