I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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