When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
