dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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