Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
