I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
