I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
