Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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