I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
