At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
