I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
