Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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