What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
