he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
