when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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