fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
