what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
