but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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