bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
