too bad you live with your parents still
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
