Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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