just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
