Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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